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Review:fauxthefox says:
This is fauxthefox from the forums with your review!

You have a really great start here - there are just a few things that I think you can clean up and polish a bit. Overall, I really liked the atmosphere and the characters (especially Leah. She's bloody awesome). I think it's great that you haven't taken the cliche route and defined your characters with stereotypes ("the shy one," "the smart one," etc).

I think that you could use a bit more description - you don't have to go into a lot of detail into how characters or rooms look, and you don't have to describe them immediately as they're introduced, but I'd definitely suggest that you gradually give your readers a sense of their literary surroundings :)

Also, I hope you won't go to far with the "James asks Lily out every day and she viciously turns him down" thing, because it is a bit overused in fanfiction!

9/10, and on to the next chapter!

faux

Author's Response: I like Leah, too - in future scenes I've been including her in an enormous number of scenes and giving her all my favorite retorts :'D And I hadn't thought about the stereotyped character thing much, but I guess it's true and can probably be attributed to how I just think that people are more likely to be drawn to each other if they're similar. In each school clique, there is not a set role (the leader, the smart one, the shy one) that has to be filled, right? (:

Thanks so much for your advice, and I'll keep both of those points in mind. :D


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