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Review:Atomic says:
Hi there, it's Atomic from the forums responding to your review request!!

I really like the beginning of this story. It's very mysterious and enticing. I also really like your character May, she seems really interesting and I can't wait to read more of her.

I was surprised that English wasn't your first language. You're doing a very good job with it and I only noticed several small mistakes with synax. Your sentence "but she had not understood the wonderful the power that it contained was, first glance obvious that it had belonged to a wizard" is a little difficult to read. I would tweak that sentence to "but she had not understood the wonderful the power that it contained, it was obvious at first glance that it had belonged to a wizard."

Also, your sentence: "It was amazing that after so many years of studying never have read of this in detail, never having learnt it" might flow better if it was changed to "It was amazing that after so many years of studying, she had never learnt any of it, never had read of this in detail..."

Otherwise though, you did a great job with your English. Your plot flow also went pretty smoothly; it was a bit confusing with all of the new characters all at once, but the story still flowed well.

Your characters definitely seem interesting enough. It's a bit hard to get a read on them so early in the story. With so many new people in the very beginning it might be a little difficult for readers to keep track of them though.

So far it's pretty good though. Your dialogue is very believable and so far the plot is very plausible. I'm definitely looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you! That was really quick :D

I'm quite used to writing in English but as you've seen there are some problems with the details. I have looked for a beta but my call wasn't answered but I'll just have to keep trying and hopefully I'll find one :)

I'll make sure to look through each chapter an extra time just to make sure that it's easy to read.

I know that it might seem like a lot with all the introductions of the characters in the beginning but I want to have them all on the spot at the same time- so that's my reason for doing so. But as said I'll try to make sure that the swaps are more clear and that there aren't too many in too short a time :)

I quite like May too she's very interesting to write! And the other girls are as well- I'm still kind of getting to know them and I must say that they surprise me all the time!

Thank you again- off to reply the other reviews now!


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