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Review:girly1393 says:
I caught one mistake early on. It's the Daily Prophet, not the Profit as in making money. And I have a little critique about formatting. It all feels a little bunched together; you have such long paragraphs and it just makes it hard to read.

Tonks wasn't in school when the Marauders were; she was born in 1973, when they were third years. She was a first year in 1984, so their paths wouldn't have actually crossed during Hogwarts at all. Just thought I'd point it out.

I like how you're bringing in the war early on, instead of ignoring it. I know as a James/Lily writer myself how easy it is to just pretend it wasn't happening, but I'm glad you aren't pushing it back. However, Voldemort began gathering followers around 1970 and by 1977, when they were seventh years, he had become a force that was unstoppable (you did an excellent job showing the fear wizards and witches had for him). So Lily would have known about him since probably her fifth or sixth year.

I'm sorry for so many critiques, but I hope they were helpful and not off-putting. I do really like your story; I don't want to give you the wrong impression about that.

Author's Response: thank you so much for the review.
i realised that it may be hard to read with such long paragraphs so i have tried to make them shorter in the later chapters.

i had been um-ing and ah-ing as to whether i should put the bit about tonks in the chapter and i think i'll probably get rid of it when i (eventully) edit the chapter.

i really appreciate that you think i did a good job creating their fear, thank you very much :)

all your critiques have been very helpful and not off-putting at all. i'm very pleased that you like the story and have reviewed, thanks so much.
xx


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