Hello! My alter ego/forum name is phoenixflames19, and I have your requested review. Just so you know, I've never reviewed a song fic before, so I'm not entirely sure what I should comment on.
I cried. I literally cried. "I still love you brother. I won't change how I feel about you. You still are my brother, no matter if your not here or not. I love you, for forever, and on." Tears streamed down my face. The song is absolutely perfect, too. I love Rascall Flatts. You should write a companion to this with the song "Here" or "Bless the Broken Road." I've never lost a family member, so I can't comment on exactly the emotions that something that traumatic brings out. But it sure felt real to me.
As for flow, this is where my inexperience with song fics comes into play. I don't really know much about how they are usually written, or what is considered normal. I liked the way you broke it up, though. It seemed natural, with the thoughts progressing from the line that way.
Okay, I just have a few teeny tiny grammar issues. My only big thing (and this isn't really even that big) is the sentence "We all wish we didn't have to be here, to have you with us." I can see two possible meanings for this sentence. The two meanings are very related, but I think changing it so that it doesn't seem so ambiguous would help keep the reader involved in your world. The first meaning I can see is that they wished they didn't have to be *at* the funeral to be with Al. To clear this up, you'd just have to remove the comma. The other meaning (which makes more sense to me personally) is that they all wished that Al could be there and they didn't have to be gathered like this. For that to be clearer, I think you need to rearrange the sentence a tiny bit.
I saw a few other grammar things--tiny things that only bother perfectionists and grammar snobs like me. I think once you used "to" instead of "too," and once you said "cause" instead of "because." That sort of thing. But other than that, your writing is great.
I just want to impress on you again how powerful this was. I could never write a song fic, especially one like this. I can't say I loved it because of the subject matter, but the craftsmanship is beautiful, the narrative is heart-wrenching, and the emotions hit you like a tidal wave. Bravo, friend.
Author's Response: First song fic, eh. Hope I did it justice!
Aw, I made you cry! I am so sorry!
Mhm, another story following this? I could do it. Sometimes I think it messes up the story, but if it works I could do it (:
Well, I actually always write that way all the time. It's how I feel most comfortable (:
Alright, thank you so much! I will look over that, and make a decision, and change it!
Thanks a lot for that. (:
Alrighty, I will go and look over it, and see if I can spot them out! I am not very good at grammar :P
And thanks for telling me my writing it great!
Aw, why thank you! I try to make my writing powerful (:
I am very glad you liked it (:
Thanks for such a nice review (: