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Review:Camilla says:
This chapter is not quite of the same standard as the first. It is somewhat of a filler, like page 2 of a newspaper. Perhaps the length of the chapter is the culprit. Did you perhaps feel pressured to post something too quickly? I am not saying this is bad, just that it is decidedly average.

I'm not sure I believe that Black was never affected by the carnage before. However, if this truly was the first time that she was affected, I would have expected a more emotional chapter. The reality is that time is relative. Despite the fact that the battle only lasted minutes, I would expect Black to notice a great deal more detail. Also, the word choice was not as descriptive as the previous chapter. It feels emotionally detatched as a result.

I am curious about something in general. Lupin did not have obvious scars, although Bill did. I wonder if the actual disease restores the appearance. In that case, I would have expected Black's scars to have disappeared after her attack as she has the disease despite her ability to control the timing.

If this review seems harsh it is only because the first chapter set a high expectation. I look forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: I believe that she was trying not to notice what was happening. The character herself likes to cut herself off from reality and sulk a bit when she's unhappy.

I think Lupin had the scars, too, though perhaps they were't noticable because of his suits he always wore.

And yes, this one was shorter. There was a bit of pressure to post this because at the time I already had three chapters up, but I wrote the whole thing in 3rd person (which was NOT good for the story). It was so terrible I rewrote the three chapters in 1st POV. (Yes, it was a bit of filler, too).

Thanks for the review!


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