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Review:wit_beyond_measure3 says:
Hello there! Phoenixflames19 here from the forums with your requested review. I apologize for the time lapse, but i have been quite busy of late.

The major thing I noticed right off the bat was you seem to have trouble sticking to first-person pronouns. Definitely something to clear up, since a few times I was confused about what was going on.

The other thing I'm confused about is whether you were flashing back to the part about Fred and George and Ginny and the firework. All those italics were confounding. Perhaps it would make more sense if you just proceeded through the chapter as though everything was happening in the order it was meant to? Either that, or remove some of the less-important parts of the flashback.

However, I am definitely tempted to keep reading. I have a guess as to who "L" is, but I really want to find out. This is going to be fun.

So, to your specific concerns: I already addressed the grammar thing. You just need to make sure you have all first-person pronouns. Specifically in the last true paragraph, the line after that, and the paragraph starting with "Of course, I could ask Harry..." The only thing you dragged out too long was the flashback. A lot of it was superfluous if it is indeed a flashback and you don't mean for it to just be part of the story that happens and he goes up to his room and ruminates on it afterward. I'm not sure if that made sense, but I was just trying to say the same thing I said earlier. As for the year you set it in, that's really up to you. It's true we don't see as much of him in fifth year because of Quidditch and Harry's detentions and Lavender. So perhaps that would be better.

I think that's all, hope it helped. Good luck with the rest!

wbm/pf

Author's Response: Hello :)
It isn't actually a flashback so I'll re-edit it to make it abit more clear :)
I'll also go over the tenses again, so thanks for pointing it out :)
Keira x


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