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Review:Phoenix_Flames says:
Hello there! :) I'm here with your review as requested.

This was a nice opening chapter to the story. It was enjoyable and intriguing. You have such a different Ron here and everything is so interesting. He's sneaking around and being such a bad boy. ;)

You have an interesting grammar and set up strategy. It's odd to see the dialogue in italics, and really it's not necessary grammatically. But if you want your dialogue in italics, that's fine. Generally for dialogue you see it as such: "Hello!" or something like that.

Also, I just wanted to remind you that when you do have dialogue, once they are done speaking, there needs to be some sort of closing punctuation before the ending quotation marks. Either a period or a comma depending on the type of sentence. ;) Just some future tips!

Fred and George were funny in the beginning. And very in character. I enjoyed seeing them bother Ron like that. Oh, and Mrs. Weasley. Yes, always the protective mother. You did a great job with her, making her that predictable, protective mother JKR made her.

Hmmm. L? Should I guess Lavender? Interesting!

And wow way to end the chapter! That's a very surprising fact, and with you wondering what year you should set this story, I would say with as late as possible. It doesn't really seem like Ron to become a father at so young, so I would definitely say sixth year. Especially if this is Lavender. Lavender was in year six, and all the Quidditch you mentioned occurred in year six. Ron didn't play Quidditch any other year. ;)

Great start to the story. Well done! Off to chapter two!

Forum Name: Phoenix_Flames
House: Hufflepuff

Author's Response: Thankyou :)
I'll re-edit the chapter to change the italics and punctuation as soon as I have time. Yes, I think i'll leave it as sixth year - you're right, it's better if its later :)

Thankyou for the great advice and reviews :)
Keira x


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