Heya Sophia! :)
You left a request on my review thread, and I am so terrible that I'm reviewing your fic now, after more than half a year! Oh well, I hope this helps you somewhat anyway! And I'm so sorry for the extreme lateness!
I really loved this story of yours! Well written, and I enjoyed reading it a lot! I especially liked how you wrote Scorpius and Rose's relationship, a lot different to what other people do!
Since this is a song fic, I thought the song lyrics were very relevant to the story. I suppose if you were looking for improvements it would be the relationship of the song lyrics to the actual story. The lyrics aren't really making me think at all. The lyrics are basically telling the same story as the one you've got written. To make a song fic really outstanding, it's got to be more thought-provoking in a way. I'm probably not making much sense, but I thought you could have done a little more on the lyrics and the text to connect them in a more.. complex and interesting way.
"you are Scorpius Malfoy", I would change it to 'you're', to make it flow better.
Your areas of concern were: Flow of the story, characterisation and improvements. I think I'll be covering improvements along the way, so I"ll talk about flow now. I think it flowed pretty well. It all made sense to me and the story moved at a good pace.
Characterisation wise, both Scorpius and Rose are a little dull, so you could make them more 'real' and bring them more to life. Like, I can't really think of any personality traits to describe them from what I've seen them saying and doing in this chapter. Maybe stubborn, but that's pretty much it.
I do like how Scorpius was trying to recover from the breakup by doing nothing. Sometimes people write guys recovering from breakups by going out and kissing every single girl they meet. It was also a nice change to see the GUY all upset, instead of the girl!
Plot wise, it all was great! I liked the story you were telling. Maybe you could add some of the history of their relationship, and explain why Scorpius was so in love with Rose, so we can understand what he's feeling a little more. Maybe add some more description/emotions as well. Just a small thing though. Overall, very nicely written Sophia, and I really liked reading it! I hope this helped you, even if just a little bit.
- maskedmuggle, Ravenclaw :)
Author's Response: Oh, Charlotte! What a lovely long review! Don't worry, I'm so bad at filling review threads in a reasonable time too, :P But the Review Fest was a great time to catch up. ;)
Thank you so much for the advice about how to make it better. I know what you mean about the lyrics should make the reader think, and when I get around to editing, I shall have to think of how to improve that. And developing both their characters a bit more.
You really have helped me, Charlotte! Thank you! ^^