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Review:Christine_Nighting says:
Hmmm, so I have a lot of things to point out to edit before I praise this piece ;)

First, "I can't imagine anyone willingly taking the Malfory name." Of course, it's obvious, Malfoy ;)

"I have a job at the ministry fiing papers for the law enforcement department, but it's not going anywhere." fiing should be filing, right?

"I'm extremly messy. I haven't seen the floor of my bedroom in months." Extremly should be extremely.

"Basically, I'm incapable of love, with her being the only exception." That sounds ackward. Perhaps it should be reworded to:
"Basically, I'm incapable of love; Rose was/is the only exception." I'm not sure if you want that sentence to be present or past tense, so that's why I put them both ;)

Wait, I lied. Just one more thing to cover before I praise :P Try to include more of Rose's feelings. Scorpius is realistic, but not Rose's emotions. She almost doesn't have any in this piece. If Scorpius really told her to leave, temper or not, she'd be begging him to not say that. That's how people in love are. Now if you really want to be a tear-jerker and pull those people in, make it heart-breaking. Absolutely devasting. You're 9 of 10 of the way there. Make Scorpius recognize her hurt. Play it to your advantage.

Okay, praise time. This piece almost made me cry. The tears were about to spill over, and that's pretty rare for me. I can get emotional, but usually not tearful. I sincerely think that if you add a bit to the end, you'll give such an impact to your readers that it'll haunt them.

I love the name of this fic. It's poetic in a way. I also adore this fic, and when/if you decide to change it (I know, changing is a pain), I'd love to read it. I would also think a sequel would be delightful. I love stories that pull heartstrings, and this is definitely a piece I'm adding to my expansive favourites list.

Great job, it was a sincere pleasure to read :D 10/10

Author's Response: Oh gosh, Christine, thanks so much! I really owe you for pointing out those mistakes. As hard as I try, I'm awful at proof reading my own stuff. I always miss really obvious stuff. Truly, thank you for taking the time to point them out to me. I really need to work on getting my stories beta'd haha :)

I see what you mean about Rose's emotions. When I wrote this, I was really focusing on Scorpius and how he would react, but I see how I may have neglected Rose a bit. I'll have to go back and see if I can beef up her emotions.

And aww, you're too kind! It's always an honor to hear you could make someone cry! (haha, that sounds wrong, but you know what I mean)

I'll definitely make some changes, thanks for helping me make this a better story! And as far as a sequel, I haven't quite decided, but if it happens I'll let you know :)

thanks!
-ronsgirl29


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