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Review:Giola says:
Hey, Giola here with your requested review :)

I think you did a marvelous job with 3rd person, especially for your first attempt! I couldn't find anything to fault with that. There were a few minor grammar issues (commas in the wrong spot), but nothing major, and if you want to fix that, I'd say get a beta (if you don't have one already).

As for characterisation, you seem to grasp Oliver's natural instinct as a father well, and his wonder over his daughter. As this is short I can't really comment much on the characterisation, but what you have seems fine.

All I can really think to improve on would be description. You describe Aine quite well, but you could perhaps add in some description about the surroundings, the hospital room, etc. etc. It's not necessary but it can your readers engage more with the story, as long as you don't have one big long chunk of description, which would be boring :P

Overall, well done! 9/10

-Giola
(Slytherin)

Author's Response: Thank you for replying!

Thanks, I'm alot more confident with third person now and the third chapter is again in third person :) I will definatley request a beta though :)

Im also really relieved my chacterisation is alright, Oliver Wood is my all time favourite character and I want to do him justice!

Thank you so much for pointing out description, I will definatley go back and look at how I can add the surroundings to the chapter to make it feel more real and engage more readers!

Thanks so much for taking the time to review for me, it really does mean a lot!

R xx


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