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Review:TheDoctor says:
Hello! Astoria Viana here from the forums!

First may I say you got me within and inch of tears. Believe me there was allot of blinking and calm down moments while reading this. *takes deep breath*

Okay, I'm good. Well first off I think this whole piece has a lovely rhythm to it. Your writing fits well with the lyrics and it all just flows together nicely.

My parents divorced when I was five and I have to say you've done a really nice job of portraying Lily's feelings. I know I felt the same way. Both Lily and Rose are really well done. Their characters are similar in that they both react the same way but it works in the scene, as that is how almost anyone would react.

I noticed a few minor errors ("She need you just as much as I need you.") You just missed an 's' on the first need. But nothing is glaringly in need of fixing.

As I said before the only thing that you might want to work on a tiny bit is how very similar Lily and Rose are, though again it works perfectly well now and you don't really need to change it.

Since the song itself has some grammatical errors it might make the two better connected if you added a few sentence structure changes to yours. For instance
"Mommy's sayin' things she don't mean
Mum doesnít hate you!" It could work to say 'Mum don't hate you. But as I've said the whole thing has a nice flow already so it's completely up to you.

This was my first song fic and I'm really glad I read it. Well done! I love the theme you have throughout of family needing each other. It's so true and it's definitely what got me nearly to tears. Good job!

~Astoria

Author's Response: Aw! Really!! I almost made you cry! :O

Thank you, I was really quite afraid that it wouldn't flow well (:

I am glad you think I got the characters well, and how most people would act in this situation!

Okay!! Thanks for pointing out the error! I will change it back when I have time! Thanks!

Okay! I will put that into consideration! Thanks!

Okay! That is a good suggestion! Make it sound more 'flowy' with the song!! I could try that!

Yay! I was the first song fic you read! I am hopping it put you into read more (:
I am glad you liked it!!

Thank you so much for the review!

-Sarah
Xxxx


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