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Review:taylorj828 says:
Hi there, dear! It's a really good idea for a story - interesting concept. I want to know what's going to happen with this girl and am intrigued by her connection to her father - that he means so much to her, in a way, that it makes her want to do this. (o:

As for me, I'm not really into the first-person style of story telling - I dislike having all the "I... I... I..." and "me... me... me" but it's mostly just about style and preference. You've done a lot here, by way of having Lucy tell us all about herself, and there's a lot there, but it also makes her sound a bit precocious, because a reader will keep in mind that this what she wants to tell about herself. This may work perfectly for the kind of character you're using and story you're telling, though.

From your author's note, it sounds like this is your first story here...? (o: Well, I hope you'll continue to write, write, write! And in the future, I'd suggest playing with the 'show and not tell' concept. By this I mean, how can you show us that Lucy is different from the rest of her family, rather than just having her tell us? It takes one line for Lucy to tell us, but it may take four paragraphs to show us a scene with her and her family, and her sticking out like a sore thumb. But we will see a good picture of her, her life, and the other characters that way. (o:

Very interesting beginning, and it makes me want to know more about this girl and what's going to happen during her 6th year!

Author's Response: Hey, thank you for your review. I totally agree with you, but have unfortunately gotten so used to writing "I" that I can't change it now. It is my first story here, but I have written other after this one. I just kind of remembered it a few weeks ago. Thank you for your kind review and good advice. I will try to keep that in mind, and make sure I don't make her say things when I can show them instead. Anyway, thank you for your review. It's very appreciated :D

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