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Review:taylorj828 says:
Heya, well, I want to say well done for creating your own character. I think you chose a good way to set her up, flashing back to their first meeting before returning us to the scene with Dean. It helps us get a perspective of why this Original Character Kari is important to Seamus, and also... I think you've foreshadowed well about her and Dean, so this is going to be interesting to see where you take us. And poor Seamus.

Also, I just wanted to say, that I don't think your Author Notes were entirely necessary. I mean this in a good way! It was very apparent to me that you had done a flashback in this chapter, and I think you did it quite well. (o: As for the biased description of Kari, I appreciate that you're warning us, I suppose trying to keep readers from thinking she'll just be a perfect Mary-Sue, but I think this would be a good way to challenge yourself. How can you write Seamus in such a way so that readers can see he's biased in his opinion of Kari, so that you as the author don't have to tell us? Maybe he goes on and on about her beauty, whereas we see other side characters who never give the girl a second glance, or a barman who calls her a 'plain-jane' or something so that we understand that the way Seamus sees Kari made not be accurate. JKR did this a lot, where we saw characters often from Harry's view point (think Snape), and only later realised how biased Harry was. Or else, doubting Harry's opinion because people like Dumbledore trusted Snape, so we got conflicting messages.

Anyway, well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review (once again!)

I really appreciate your constructive criticism and will try to incorporate it into my future works. It's great to have someone not just saying that my writing is good because I know I'm not perfect and am always looking for ways to improve.


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