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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hi there LMW with your second review for your story.

I meant to mention in my last review that I thought you had a lovely graphic and that I loved the fact that you used Darren Criss for James because I just find Darren Criss absolutely adorable. Well done, it made me smile :)

For a first real chapter, I found the flow to be a bit more erratic and not as smooth as the prologue for me. I think you were trying to create more momentum with the story maybe but it just ended up seeming disjointed with the entrance of James and Hugo.

I think that you are trying to create this established character and then Cassidy is breaking out of character before we even know what she is supposed to be like. This makes it confusing for me as a reader to really identify her essential nature and it makes it seem that you are wishy-washy as an author and how you want to portray your characters.

My second thing that really bothers me are the cliches that are kind of playing around in here-- first off, Krum as her father and her lack of consistent mother makes it seem like there are a lot of plot holes for me like I mentioned in my last review. Second, Hermione,a member of the Trio is her godmother and her daughter is her best friend. It would almost be more interesting to read about how Rose and Cassidy maybe had a competition between the two of them and fighting for the affections of Hermione. Third, I don't see how Ron would be comfortable with Hermione being Krum's godmother for his daughter. It isn't realistic to me; you need to explain elements of your plot that makes believable. Because it isn't believeable for me right now.

It is your story and it is ultimately up to you, but these are just my things I noticed with a critical eye as a reader and author. Grammar seemed a bit more inconsistent in this chapter; a beta may be able to help.


Author's Response: I will consider the beta. :) Thank you and I do intend to focus more on Hermione's involvment with being Cassidy's Godmother. I do have some work to do on that. I will be working on that. This Chapter was written in a rush of inspiration. And I just didn't feel it was completely the right time to reveal all of this information.
And, well my difference in characterization of Cassidy is intentional. She doesn't really know her character her own self and she is trying to figure that out. I want the reader to figure that out with her.
Thank you for all of your insight. I appreciate the review. I will take everything you said into consideration. Thank you. :)
P.S. Darren Criss is awesome. xP

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