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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hi there LMW from the forums with your requested review. You asked for mainly insight on your OC Cassidy and the story in general as well as style.

Because you were general with your request (outside of your OC), I'll try to be as general as I can about the story as a whole from appeal to flow to tone to any issues I see.

All right, from the get go, you are taking a concept that is not unexplored terroritory which will appeal to the general populous because you are playing with ideas and characters that have been referenced. I think is a good thing because it means it will appeal to a big audience of readers.

In your summary, you need to be sure to captalize the Boy Who Lived because JKR does so and it would turn me away if I was breezing through recently updated stories to see a small technicality but it would deter me. Just a small suggestion.

For a first chapter, I found it to be generally good. I think you do a good job breaking up internal monologue for this. Your humor is cute and giggly, nothing that made me really laugh out loud but I liked it.

I think you did a really good job revealing the ephiphany and introducing some characters. Your addition of her father as Viktor Krum threw me a little bit. I'm curious to know why she goes to Hogwarts, why she would be English, why she wouldn't have an accent, etc.

It was a decent length for a first chapter prologue, the flow worked, there was minor issues with grammar, and the tone stayed lighthearted. Overall, it was cohesive and interesting enough to get me to read the next chapter.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for this great review! :) I think that it will really help me out. And I know there are somethings that don't quite click, like Cassidy going to Hogwarts, but I figured maybe her mother could be British and that's why? I don't know. I was trying to bring about something fun.
Again. Thank you for the review.

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