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Review:Lunnah says:
Hi there! I'm here to review as requested. I don't know how picky you wanted me to be with grammar but I just noticed a few little things before I start the overall review:

"There are white wall, white ceiling and floor." This should at least be changed to "white walls" but you may want to consider restructuring the sentence for better flow.

This being said I like how you introduce his room and how Lockhart rationalizes the stark decorations by suggesting he prefers the elegance of simplicity. I think Lockhart would retain his egotistical attitude but with a significantly more optimistic, carefree flair without his memories, which I think you have captured nicely here.

I like how you made little references to canon and that he observes human behavior that the reader can tell he is misinterpreting. This aids in the development of his perspective inside his own bubble and adds to his characterization as he has limited information about the world and can only think in extremes.

I feel sad for him and I've always thought of what it must have been like for him in the hospital after such a life. As one who never worked for his achievements, his resolve is quite weak and I like how you show his transition from idle curiosity to pain and denial, wishing to learn no more about his former life.

Overall I think you hit on an extremely interesting idea and did a great job setting up his experiences in a new life. He is generally regarded as a comic character in the books, but his actions were extremely serious and I think many witches and wizards would want to condemn him.

In regards to your conclusion I think it leaves Lockhart unsatisfied and fearful of the outside world. You've done this well and his realization that he was a "bad man" adds a sense of disappointment. As he was a cowardly man, I do not see him working to right the wrongs associated with his previous life. In this case, there is no conclusion for the confused Lockhart, and I think you have conveyed this lack of direction well.

Overall great job :-) I've always been interested in St. Mungo's and the concept of magical maladies and illnesses. The only suggestion I have is to slow down a bit with your scenes and add a bit more description to clarify what is going on. You jump between events in a way that paints a picture of his life well, but I think a bit more description of his thoughts and observations would help solidify each segment.

I hope this helps! Thanks for requesting :-)

~Lunnah

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing- yes, it definitely does help!

I'm glad you like his characterization as well as the conclusion. I agree that there really was nowhere for him to go and I'm glad that got across.

I'll go back and try to elaborate on the scenes- try to tone down the "jumping". I didn't really notice it- probably because I'm the writer and it's all in my head. :) I'll definitely take note and use your advice.

Thanks once again for reviewing and for being so prompt as well!


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