So! After *mumble* days, I have arrived with your review! Let’s get started with the standard chapter 1 package!
Summary: 7/10 ehhh. I hate to start out by being picky, but this is the first thing people see. First, I prefer Twenty-two, to 22, but that’s just a personal thing. Second, after reading a bit of the chapter, I know that you are capable of writing a better summary (Ouch. Not that this one isn’t good. I do like it, quite muchly. It drew my attention. A society of werewolves?!? And you used the word Nefarious!! That is one of my favorite words.) So, yes. I think that you could make this into more than one sentence, somehow. I won’t presume to tell you how to do it. However, as I said, the summary was grabby! It makes me want to read about this insanity!
Story title:10/10 Hey! You followed the ‘Character Name’ and the ‘Random Thing’, title format. Good for you!
Chapter title: This Is Who We Are. Oooh. Shall we begin understanding the nefariousness? *confetti for you*
Graphics: 10/10 I stared at that banner for several minutes. It’s pretty! Good job to *checks name and spelling* PheonixAlthor!
*glances up at already long review and grimaces* Okay! Now I can actually start reading the chapter! :D
My favorite parts (comments made as I read):
-More graphics! They are pretty. :D AND now I have a face to put to the name of Raven. Yum.
“The only thing I see is the red sunlight, dropping through the trees.”
-Yipes. This is a bloody piece of imagery. I like. Good job!
“Something isn’t right. Sunlight isn’t red. It doesn’t drip, either. I watch in horror as the *blood* trickles off the leaves around me.”
-HAH! How many points do I get for catching that? I swear, I didn’t cheat. *score*
“All the leaves have turned to mirrors.”
-Huh. Either she is caught up in some serious voodoo, or she’s dreaming. If I’m right again, I shall award myself five points.
“On the floor of the forest lies a man, whose white shirt is soaked with scarlet blood.”
-Oooh. What have we here? A love interest? A family member? A Random Person? Inquiring minds wish to know! You have poked my curiosity ;).
“Raven, you lazy cow, get up!”
-FIVE POINTS! *ahem* So, no voodoo. Yet. (mwahaha)
“We are not going to wait on your lazy ass to burn down a village!”
-Whoa! Torching a village? Down, girl! I am enjoying this immensely.
-Death Eaters, Fire-Eaters. Methinks that I have spotted a spot of symmetrical symmetry! Or I’ve been drinking too much chocolate milk. It’s hard to tell, some days.
“Admiring the view, Vanessa?” I smirk at her.”
-*Surreptuously checks for slash warning, wincing because she didn‘t see that one coming* Noope. Okay, good. My gaydar still works. Hopefully. ;)
“I was hoping you’d let me buy garments instead of throwing me into Azkaban?”
-I’ll take a leap here and guess that people who burn down villages have law troubles? Fire-Eaters? Arson!!
“Temple of the Night, which is a castle, head-quarters to a secret organization called the Fire-Eaters.”
-So, the temple of the night is where all of the arsonists live. Got it. Is the ‘night’ bit code for ‘DO NOT BURN DOWN!’?…Hehe. Kidding. I get carried away. Chocolate milk, you know.
“on the right hand of each man and woman is a mark, a black tattoo…sealing us together with darker magic and curses than your mind could possibly grasp.”
-Huhwhat? Okee, we have right hand vs. left hand, if my symmetry theory has any weight…but they aren’t opposites like I thought. These are naughty arsonists!
“I almost roll my eyes. Retribution, yeah right.”
-Hmmm. Shall I deduce that you are not happy with this whole Leader of the Naughty Arsonists Gig? My judgment is withheld until I find further evidence.
“I feel dizzy. That’s a lie! The world is made of good and evil. Only the wicked want you to believe that power is everything, but I must continue my speech.”
-For the record, that counts as evidence. :D Onward!
-Arsonist Matriarchal Society! I want one! Can I join??
“I rather detest the dark (ironic, I specialize in the Dark Arts!)”
-Our darling Raven reminds me quite deeply of the way I tend to characterize Sirius Black. AND her last name is Black…have I spotted Something Important? Hm.
“Females begin pushing their ways to the bars, their hands reaching out to grab our clothing.”
-You have prisoners too? Wow. This place has everything. Again, females, only?
-Note: Vanessa is a scawy lady.
“Fifty THOUSAND Galleons? Are they barking mad? I’d almost turn myself in for that money. Still, seeing my name on a notice board is rather depressing. I didn’t ask to be here.”
-Yes. This made me giggle. Aaand, more eivdence!
“The werewolf overwhelmed me, and I felt teeth sink into my shoulder.”
-Aaah. I knew we’d get there at some point. Now, it is a Matriarchal Society of Naughty Werewolf Arsonists. Yikes.
“I'm not sticking around with the Fire-Eaters to be a spy for some noble cause. I am only doing it for my own self-preservation, and I feel disgusted with myself.”
-Well, at least you’re straight about it. No sideways, mind-bending justification for you!
“He doesn’t love you. He could never love someone like you.”
-Is this our mysterious blue-eyed gentleman?
“A/N: Dun dun dun.”
-It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who does that stuff. Heh.
Okay. So This review is too long to fit. I shall PM the second half to you on the forums. Yikes.
Author's Response: I'm giving you 50 points for nearly making me choke while I read this first half. I was beating on my leg like a retarded walrus while attempting to swallow my spit before I read your next thing. I ended up laughing so hard I was choking and coughing for several minutes.
I must now go read the rest and hope I don't die anytime soon tonight.