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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hi there again AC_rules, final chapter from your request on the forums. I was definitely intrigued by some of the development of this chapter.

I like that you started at a different year and are progressing through the years as a fairly decent rate. I think it makes a difference; I would reccommend making sure you keep up with the pace you set because as a reader, it could throw them off if you trail off from that or at least give enough sub-plot to slowing down the timeline. Action is the only bit that can help that type of compensation for me as a reader.

I loved the yellow hair; it was so bizzarely funny and so wonderful. I will admit that I read through this once before I came back to review and I got to read ahead because I was curious; that stuck with me as my favorite part of your humor. I think that it was very original and that you picked such a physical element of a girl for Al to fixate on. It is very male and very spot on. I also like that Jan is attracting a bit of attention even from our Al. We all probably fancy wanting them to be together. I know I do as a reader.

For flow, this chapter generally worked better for me then the past two. I think that it's because you are able to get some steam going for the story and it is starting to have it's own pace that I can keep up with and focus in on.

Finally, as far as charactersation goes, I loved Al and Jan more than I usually enjoyed themin the past two chapters but they are developing along nicely. I think that you did an excellent job with that. Overall, the grammar and such wasn't as bad this chapter either. I enjoyed it! Good luck as you continue on.

LMW

Author's Response: That was my main idea for the story - a few chapters per each year so the pace should keep up to around this level. Its more fun for me too as I don't have to write many fillers :)

I love the yellow hair thing, I won't lie. Also about a week after this chapter one of the guys at my school actually died his hair yellow... it looked awful. Ahha, I think the fixation is a prety male reaction to things.

Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad that this chapter was better. Cheers! :)


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