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Review:HarrietHopkirk says:
This was really well done! I really enjoyed it! I especially liked the twist at the end - Harry is in a grave! It was impressive, but I think you may have to spice up the first couple of paragraphs, otherwise readers my get distracted by Facebook or the forums and not get to read the last bit! I also like the estranged family angle... it really works!

You have a strong grasp on the emotions in the story - anger, guilt, sadness and everything. Just make sure that it sounds more human... more genuine. Perhaps more stuttering? More pausing? She's upset, and while the majority of your dialogue was good, I think you should add more in so that it seems more natural.

Well done!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I have added a little bit more pauses and stuttering since I first wrote the story but I might need to go back and add more. The emotions were quite hard to grasp in this story so I am glad they came across well.

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