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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hi there, LMW from the forums with your requested review. I was definitely intrigued with your request forum especially when I saw that it was horror/dark.

So, there is a definite creepiness to this and you certainly shock the reader with the thoughts and the shift that clearly happens during this one-shot. I knew it was Lysander as soon as it was Lorcan because I think you just wanted to disturb the reader and shock everyone which I think you generally achieved.

I have no issue with the idea of such a disturbing thing happening; I'm not unconvinced that Lysander and Lorcan could be characterized like this. Your one-shot, for me, however does not convince me of back story to accept the present story. There is suspension of disbelief that goes on in a story for the reader; you don't have to tell the entire back story but I'm not convinced because I feel like I don't know enough before hand to be really convinced of the shock of this story.

The tone seems mismatched in the two parts to me but it seems to become what you intend by the end. The beginning seems forced casual to me but it seemes to build up about half way through. Also, I'm curious about the title because I just don't understand how it relates to the story. I was curious about that.

You are clearly a good writer but the story just didn't convince me. Best of luck!

LMW

Author's Response: Hello! First off, thank you for taking the time to read and review!

I believe you are the first reader whom I have not shocked in the revealing of Lysander. Excellent reading on your part!

I do wish that I had convinced you. I am a stream of consciousness writer. Whatever comes forth, I write and post. This was pure imagination and I had no thought of any back stories. I do see where you're coming from. I wish I had some sort of reassurance or something, but I don't. What you read is all there is to my story, sadly.

Thanks for the review!


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