... And the day after I stopped checking for another story of yours, you submitted one. I guess it's my life in a nutshell.
Very interesting beginning, and even though the reader can guess what's going to happen, you manage to catch the attention. Especially, Hermione's situation is very realistic, and you can follow her thoughts.
I also like how you let a Norwegian character be in the story. It's going to be interesting to see why he couldn't just be English - if there's a reason, of course. :)
There's a few things I miss in the beginning, including why Hermione wants to be Ron's girlfriend. Yes, I get her feelings, but it could be nice if you'd made them a little clearer, like a scene where she ... well, look at his smile and find it cute, wish he would smile that way to her or something like that (random example, but I couldn't find a better). Have you heard of the phrase, "Don't tell it, show it"? That's what I mean.
There's also a saying: "Your reader writes the half of the story" (it's a translation, I don't know what it's called in English). Leave a little of the information between the lines, so the reader has to guess some of the things her/himself. It ... "wakes more thoughts in the reader"? (Oh, look who has become bad at English).
If you don't know what I mean, please let me know, then I can explain.
A last thing I would like to comment is Draco Malfoy's "I could be the ruler of the world". It doesn't really fit with the Malfoy I know from the books. But it's only a sentence, no need to worry about that.
You already know what I think about your English (easy to read, no huge mistakes, and pleasantly varied), so I'm not going to tell you why and how again. ^^
I'm looking forward to next chapter. Interesting plot, I don't remember having seen it before.
Good luck with the writing,
Author's Response: Dear Awy,
nice to hear from You again! :)
I'm glad you liked the first chapter!
And the answers to your questions:
- I made Nils Norwegian because of his looks: pale skin, blond hair, blue eyes, similar to that of Malfoy
- I agree with you, it should be more 'thought provoking', but I still don't have much time to write, maybe later I will re-write or re-edit all the chapters
- You are right about the 'ruler of the world' thing, if I come up with sg better, I'll correct it
So thanx again for the detailed review, hope I can read something from You soon, too!