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Review:justonemorefic says:
I think the part with the tower is better in showing more of Holden's personality, but I think it can still improve. Things like "No one in the whole school knew that Holden liked to come up here, not even his best friend James" can be more descriptive. There are other descriptions that I feel are irrelevant, like about Quidditch. They feel like they could be used, but that it needs to connect more to Holden. His personality still isn't very clear.

This bit is in present tense, but should be past > If Hufflepuff loses to Slytherin though, it would mean that Gryffindor would still be back in the running for the House Cup, especially if Slytherin beats Ravenclaw.

In this paragraph: "After a while, Holden grew tired..." you use the same sentence structure a lot. "Holden does something..." those kinds.

I liked the little moment with James and Holden :) It was a good touch of friendship.

"himself" perhaps, and also show how instead of just simply that > Holden suddenly felt angry at his self


Author's Response: Ah, yes, I wrote most of this when I was still struggling with writing tenses and I've been meaning to go back over it and edit it; will most definitely after I've finished Why Not. But, yeah, I'd like to think I've gotten more of a grip on tenses now than I did before. Thanks for pointing out those slips, and odd structuring, though, I'll be sure to watch my writing carefully now for those things.

Aw, yes, I love writing James and Holden together, they're such good friends. Thanks again for another helpful review and I'm glad you're still enjoying it!

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