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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
"Yupp," James answered.--You just need one p obviously :).

You also mentioned Al getting straight 'A's." I think you meant O's since he is at Hogwarts instead of in the Muggle world. Other than that, I didn't see any other major issues or typos. I think that your sentence structure is well varied, your grammar seems good, and I think that you didn't have any issues with tenses or punctuation.

Now onto your plot and characters. I think that you did a really excellent job creating this very believable competitive environment for the three siblings to interact in. Lily would definitely stand off on her own in my mind since she is the youngest and the only girl in the nucleus of the Potter clan. Usually, stories tend to revolve around the idea that James is the perfect child and that Al tries to be like him or that James is the playboy and lucky with girls while Al is the shy guy and not popular with the girls.

Your request just asked for general opinions, and I think making Dom and James close was very nice. It was also intense towards the end with James getting so intensely sick. I think you did a good job making it kind of subtly sneak on but clearly happen. And you ended the chapter in an effective place. It revealed enough about James to make me, as a reader, interested and want to come back to read more. But you didn't leave too much out to make me wonder.

LMW

Author's Response: Just one p? Okay. :)

Thanks so much for all of your input. It was so helpful, and I appreciate it so much! it's always needed. Thank you for taking the time to read and review.

I'm glad you are enjoying it, and I hope to see you back for more! :)

Drue


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