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Review:justonemorefic says:
More plotty things!

Oh meddling friends. The best kinds of friends. And I could never see James and Fred as anything but meddling xD

Heheh, Holden's so sweet and silly. Doesn't even know his own popularity. I'd love it if James went all "LILY WHY ARE YOU HERE?" like a frowny older brother trying to shoo her away.

I'm not sure how I feel about suddenly mentioning the actual masquerade girl right then and there. I almost feel like there should a small section on its own or if it were put at the end of a section. I think it would flow better that way, give it more impact and give it a little more time to characterize her.

Right now, it also feels like Holden could have a stronger voice. A lot of what he's doing is being dragged around by James and stuff and I see a lot of reluctance and I see that he's also a friendly type of guy, but there's not much more about Holden that sticks out to me. I think there needs to be more of his personality in the narration.

Onwards! :D

Author's Response: Thanks again for another awesome-filled review, Gina! Yes, I love writing James and Fred because they are very nosy blokes (I love that word :P). And Lily turning up like that just seemed amusing to me... also, it's pretty natural for a kid sister to like her big brother's best mate. ;)

Hmmm, she shows up occasionally, but maybe I should go back and see if there's anyway I can slip her in if it doesn't flow well in this chapter. I don't want anything to read awkwardly.

I think (could be wrong, 'course I'm biased) Holden's voice and characterization sharpen the further into the story I get. I suppose I just started small with him to show more character development. I like to steadily work up from the ground with my characters. Of course, I suppose I could go back and flesh out his character a bit more to make him easier to relate to. Thanks again! (:


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