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Review:LilyFire says:
Hi, Lily here from the forums with your review!

I do have a bit of advice-your character seems a bit...perfect. She doesn't seem real. She could do and control magic from the age of six, she's a metamorphmagus and can control that from baby-hood. She can do wandless magic, which is supposed to take years of hard work and practice to do. Dear, I'm not so sure your character is believable.

Maybe if you changed your approach, gave her a more normal traits. I mean, everything about her and her family screams Mary-Sue, from her powers to her looks to her amazingly posh family that she's the total opposite of. It just--it doesn't make sense.

I think if you put in a bit of work with her, tried to make her a little more normal, then your story would probably be a blast to read.


Author's Response: Thanks for the input- I've been trying to make Esmerelda more realistic, while still keeping her more powerful than average, so I have redone bits of the first chapter to try to take out/change bits that are a little overdone, about both her and her family. Hopefully it will make her a lot less Mary-Sue-ish and a lot more loveable.

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