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Review:Akussa says:
Hi!

Well, I like it so far. I loved the opening paragraph; it was very well written and hooked me in instantly. It got a bit harder after that but still good.

How I could explain it is like this : you have an original, witty and emotional opening paragraph; you haven't met this girl and yet you feel for her already.
Then it goes on to a very formal, descriptive summarize of the first years of this girl we still haven't met. Still interesting, don,t get me wrong, but it breaks with the opening paragraph which was much stronger than the rest. I understand your desire to tell us about her past and put her life in context but it ould be done some other way; through memories, little key moments, discussion... or even little info here and there through the story. Of course, I haven't read the rest of this story yet but I'm pretty sure there is not real rush to throw all the info in this particular chapter rather than some other way.

Great, clean writting; good job to both you and your beta! I can't wait to find out more about this girl and Sirius!

Akussa

Author's Response: Hmm, that's a good idea :)

I plan on re-writing everything so I will definitely keep that in mind!

I really appreciate the reviews and your opinions, I'm really looking forward to re-writing everything. Hopefully it will be a tad less cliche.


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