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Review:Aiwe Saito says:
Hi, this is Aiwe Saito from the forums with your review-- sorry it took so long, graduation's been taking up any spare time.

I like this story, but there are a few things I'm worried about. I'm assuming you know that where it looks like your plot is going is a bit of a cliched land-- it requires much more finesse to keep on the right track than, say a founders fic, or one with an unusual pairing. That being said, I worry that, despite her un-Mary-Sue-like attributes (excellent job on that front) this could end up fading into, 'just another one of those stories'.

I know it's only the second chapter, but I'm already feeling a little skeptical. The attention of Remus and Sirius so suddenly feels a bit forced-- just a few more words there would go a long way. Also, the large chunky paragraphs need to be cut down-- they make it hard to read and I find my eyes just skipping over things. Paragraph breaks can be really useful tools for emphasizing important points.

Your sentence structure and grammar can be a little funky sometimes, so watch out, but otherwise your mechanics are good.

I hope this doesn't sound like a bad review, because it isn't at all-- it's a 'make sure you live up to the plot potential' review. Add little twists you don't normally see-- keep it from becoming a formulaic Marauder plus OC fic.

Nice job-- feel free to re-request!



Author's Response: Thank you :)
I think I'm just going to mark it as Abandoned and come back to it at a later date. I feel like I should re-write everything and try to improve it.


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