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Review:Toujours Padfoot says:
In the great Hall sat a lonely boy, sitting alone. He was alone because nobody understood him. Nobody understood the tortured soul that was behind his arrogant smirk and stormy eyes. Because he was tortured. Nobody knew. He kept it secret. His hidden torture that was of the soul not the body.

- I do not think I can eloquently describe how brilliant that is. Poor, misunderstood Draco! Poor, plain, suddenly gorgeous Hermione!

She was stunningly beautifully sexily gorgeously hot with her mahogany chocolate manuka hair flowing down her back. She was wearing a very short gothic black minidress that showed off her curves. She had six inch high heels on but you wouldn't know because she walked so gracefully.

I LOVE IT.

Her only friends had abandoned her to go play Quidditch because they were boys. Hermione wearing a uniform but no one noticing because of how hot she is.

Malfoy, she realised.


Mudblood, he realised.


And in that moment six years of hatred disappeared. As if in a trance they walked forward. They were the only people in the world. Except for the other six billion. But they don't matter.

We can't be together! Why not? Because we're enemies! We don't have to be! LIGHTBULB MOMENT.

BAHAHAHAHA

YOU ARE A GENIUS.

I love their angsty, emotion-ridden stares! Let us find a broom closet and make passionate love for the rest of the day! - LOVE.

There has been a disaster! You must put on this timeturner and go back to the time of the Marauders! Yes, an entire decade has been renamed because of the secret name of a group of four boys! - I cannot possibly describe how much I love you for this. I have ALWAYS had beef with this issue. The Marauders was a secret nickname that James and his friends came up with. They kept it to themselves. NO ONE ELSE KNEW ABOUT IT. So why is it that everyone from their era called them by this nickname, and knew it even existed? LET'S CALL THEM THE MARAUDERS AND MAYBE I'LL BE THE FIFTH MARAUDER AND I'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH SIRIUS AND LILY WILL BE MY BEST FRIEND AND REMUS WILL BE MOODY AND SMART AND PETER WILL BE GONE SOMEWHERE BECAUSE WE DON'T LIKE HIM.

More love:

He had shaggy brown hair which symbolised he was a dog animagus. His eyes sparkled like the star he was named after. He was a walking talking metaphor and he was bending down to gaze tenderly into Hermione's confused eyes. (I sniggered so much. Walking metaphor. Pft.)

Hey mate, this is Hermione Granger. I never asked her name, but I knew it by intuition.

And the bit about him saying, "Because we've just met you, we're going to tell you all our secrets" and whatnot! GENIUS, I TELL YOU. I see that cropping up SO OFTEN in fanfiction. They will meet a girl and immediately divulge their secrets because there is somehow a magic bond that inexplicably makes them all chummy and trusting.

Our mate Remus here is a werewolf. We don't ever tell anyone, it's such a massive secret, but you're so hot I had to.

The list of girls! Rainbow! Ariadne! BETELGEUSE. How he has not met the right one who will make him give up his playboy ways! It's just line after line of brilliance. Sorry to have to re-quote the whole thing back to you, but I just can't help myself. It's too epic.

With a snarl and a growl Remus transformed into an unrecogniseable monster. Sirius grabbed Hemino's (love how this is spelled wrong everywhere in the story, by the way) hand and they ran through the castle, passing Lily and Severus Snape snogging in a broom cupboard, Dumbledore walking sedately towards Remus to reason with him, an army of American girls named after constellations with breaking hearts, Lucius Malfoy kicking a Hogwarts house elf, Slughorn hosting a tea party in the Great Hall and a small first-year called Rita Skeeter yelling she had friends at the Daily Prophet who would hear about this.

I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT LIKE TIMES A BILLION.

And the ending was just the cherry on top - killing a butterfly and Harry is dead and she must vanquish Voldy.

Jeez I just love this. I am SO pleased that you entered the challenge, as this was just amazing.

Author's Response: Oh my, what a phenomenal review! *stares in awe*
Thank you for appreciating my not-so-sutble digs at all that is wrong in fanfiction, particularly the Marauders business. I loved writing that bit. I loved writing it all, actually, and I'm just thrilled that you loved reading it in all its glorious badness :D
I must admit, I'm proud of this thing. I sniggered the whole way through writing it, and the whole way through rereading it and posting it. This review has made my day/week/month/year/life, thank you so much! And thank you, of course, for making the challenge, I had FAR too much fun with it. You are my hero. :D


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