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Review:puiwaihin says:
Your story may not be getting much review love, but that's certainly not because it is bad. Quite the opposite, this is very good.

I like the flow of your sentences. You use a good mix of longer and shorter structures both in terms of sentence complexity and paragraph length. Your chapters are also nicely bite size, enough to get something substantial but also not more than you can easily chew at a time.

I like how your narration is working, I don't think you are switching between perspectives too much; it suits the pace of the story, IMO. You do a good job making each character have a distinct perspective which comes through when you change the focus of the narration.

You mentioned you were a bit concerned about how starting with the opening battle scene will work. Right now it seems a bit of a question mark for me depending on how you go forward with the story. If you plan on giving more detail about the big battle here and there throughout the story I think it will work out nicely. But if that was all we get of the battle until the story catches up to it, I think there will be too much intervening story and it will not be very effective.

Thanks for requesting a review on this story, I like what you're doing and think you can take this to very interesting places.

Author's Response: Hi Puiwaihin

You read the whole thing, thanks! I'm so glad you thought it was good. That's SO encouraging.

Bite size chapters - haha, loved that. Good to know they're not coming across as skimpy. I really wanted them to feel fast.

You know, I was planning to work up to the battle. I'll have to think about how I could work in something before the story catches up. Angela will have glimpses of the arena and the activities going on there which will keep it in the story and fill in some details, but she sees only past events so it won't be the upcoming battle. Hmmm. Thinking now.

Thanks again for the awesome comments. You've not only encouraged me, you've given me something to think about so it's been tremendously helpful.

Take care!
~Ty


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