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Review:ravenclaw_princess says:
The whole first person thing came as a bit of surprise at the end but it worked really well. Although how Lee was watching the whole scene is a bit of a mystery. The transition from the Forge scene to the one with Lee seemed a little fast and in some ways they hardly seem like they are connected at all. I would suggest trying to link the two parts a little more. There is a little bit at the end which brings back the start of the story, and it might be a good to add a few more. my other suggestion would be adding a little more detail when Lee first appears to the girl.

I liked your characterisation of Fred and George and how they finished each others sentences. They were quite in cannon. A few times the dialogue seemed a little formal for idle banter, but it was enjoyable to read and there were some witty lines,

Your descriptions were really nice and they captured the beauty of the surroundings really well. I also liked how you drew the scenery back to the characters with Fred and George not noticing it, yet the Lee and his girl did. There were some really nice sentences with lovely detail. My only tip would be to vary the style and length of them as quite often they are two phrases separated with a comma, which can also break the flow a little. The first paragraph is the main area where there is an abundance of comma's.

Over all, you have a nice little one shot and your descriptive paragraphs are really good.

Author's Response: Thank you!! This was a really helpful review and I will definatly try to incorperate some of your ideas when I get round to editing this!

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