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Review:DeeDeeVee says:
You have an intriguing idea for a story here and a good start. I do agree with one of the other reviewers that the story seems somewhat rushed. You don't have to be overly wordy, but try to describe characters' feelings, emotions and reactions between some of the dialogue. I think people would react with much more shock and disbelief (not to mention faint dead away!) to see someone come back to life. What exactly was Harry thinking while anticipating the resurrection of his parents? Sure he was excited that he might finally get to see them, but perhaps he was also nervous about what they would think of the man he has become. Add more description of the characters' surroundings- a possible example might be a description of what the day was like when they went to the cemetery; maybe it was sunny and bright, possibly reflecting Harry's mood of anticipation and joy?

You should also consider asking someone (who is comfortable with grammar and Harry Potter cannon) to beta your chapters before you post them. They'll help you fix the grammatical mistakes you've made such as there vs their, the use of I vs me, capitalization of HP words like Apparate and Disapparate, etc. I use a beta for my stories (for The Power to Vanquish, I had two) and no matter how careful I try to be, my beta always finds silly mistakes that I've made. It's very hard to spot some errors in your own writing, or at least it is for me. Unfortunately, blatant grammatical errors completely detract from an otherwise good story.

Please don't consider my feedback harsh or mean because that is not how it is meant. We all have room for improvement in our writing and I think you definitely have potential. Keep going with the story.

-Deedee

Author's Response: Thanks, I know that I do mess up on some words, but i'm trying to improve. How exactly do you send your chapters to a beta? (just wright another review to answer my questions) also do you know of any one that i could use for a beta? I don't plan to quit the story and I don't consider your feedback harsh I like it when people do that so that they can help me improve. sorry I kindof turned this into TONS of questions for you.

-hgstories


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