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Review:Dalek194 says:
Interesting start... though it was short, it draws you in and I am now very intriuged about what happened "at school"...

Loved the references to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Doctor Who ("Spoilers!" LOL River Song would be proud) and the idea of introducing a new character in Zara works well. LOL with the part about jammies! ;-)

The idea of incorporating the Golden Ticket into the twins' plans was clever and overall this is a very solid start. The grammar is good but not perfect (mainly punctuation; spelling is fine) and the start is slightly lacking in flow. For example, when you introduce Fred as George's twin brother, you've already mentioned Fred, so it doesn't quite seem right. Careful not to repeat yourself (like with the Golden Ticket thing, you say they were planning it twice)

- "their products,giving the winners" (need a space after the comma)

- "“Wish we could say the same about you…”. Making Zara snort into her water" (don't need a full stop after speech marks, and "making" doesn't need capital "M")

- "golden tickets in their products- but anyway" (need a space in between "products" and "-"; this happens several times later on too)

But these are very small things; overall I am enjoying it so far and can't wait to read more! I like the idea of Fred and George being the central characters in a story... add in the Marauders, and it's a fun fest! :-D Please update soon.

Author's Response: Thankyou for such a lovely review!
Yes- I have grammar issues, lol. The next chapter is in the queue, though, so after that, I think I'll go over this chapter and sort the grammar out :)
Thanks again
Leanne


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