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Review:weasleygirl22 says:
The perspective was really interesting, and it was brave of you to make it first person but not let on who the narrator was until later in the story. You definitely have potential as a writer.

There are a few improvements you could make though. The dialogue seems a bit forced at times, you should try to make it seem more natural and flowy. I know this is just a one-shot, but a beta reader can be super helpful with this type of thing. There were a few types also such as 'by' instead of 'my' but those are easily changed.

Overall, not a decent story with a lot of potential.

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback

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