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Review:leannemariesnape says:
Hello!
This was a good insight into Percy and his personality. I think that Percy's attitude is very realistic- his support, even reliance on the Ministry, for example was very in character and "Percy-ish". I also like the kind of internal argument that Percy seems to be having.
I really like that Percy was not fully aware of things such as electricity and heating systems, etc. I think that many stories make characters too aware of the muggle world around them, which you do not do.
I enjoyed the reference to Dumbledore and his invasion of the ministry with house-elves. That is something that I would definitely think the Prophet would write at this point in time.
The reference to Penelope was beautiful- you made the feeling of his loss seem real. But I also like how they weren't a couple before she was killed. I think that it prevented a cliche. I liked the beginning, where you describe the once tidy flat as now being a mess. I think that this is a very good metaphor for Percy's mind in this story- I don't know if that was intentional or not. But I also liked how it was compared to the Burrow.
The song quote worked extremely well with the rest of the story as well.
One of the things that, in my opinion, I think did not work was the use of the word "kid". Maybe it is just me, but referring to Harry as a "kid" didn't seem the kind of thing that Percy would call Harry- maybe something along the lines of boy could work better? However, this is being extremely picky.
Overall, very enjoyable, and a good insight into Percy's mind at this moment in time, I think. (:
Leanne

Author's Response: Apologies for taking so long to reply to this! :)

Thank you very much! I'm pleased that you're pleased with Percy and I'm actually thinking about writing a prequel novella to this that will go through his school years with Penelope, building off of that first-time sort of emotion.

I always imagined Percy having lots of internal arguments; if he can't share his opinion with others because everyone avoids him, he shares them with himself! Haha, I'm glad you picked up on the Prophet news. I tried to think up of the most ridiculous thing involving Dumbledore that Rita Skeeter hadn't already covered in Canon, and that's what showed up!

Good. I love avoiding cliches. I always imagined that she broke up with him after they both left Hogwarts, because she would realize that things just wouldn't go the way they were supposed to with Percy. Either that, or it was a self-preservation deal. Yes, the messiness of his apartment certainly was a metaphor for the Burrow. :)

Oh, thanks for nitpicking the language usage out. I always throw in that sort of stuff by accident. Percy is extremely bitter towards Harry at the moment, so I wanted to convey that immature bitterness in his thought language.

Thank you so much Leanne, for all the compliments and your fantastic review! I appreciate it very much!

- Ginni

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