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Review:Hyacinth Dursley says:
Sorry it took me so long to pop by and leave a review. :( I've been busy writing up a storm for one of my other stories. I've learned when the muse visits go with it. Now on to you.

First things first, An excellent premise and engaging beginning. I can see improvement even from the epilogue to the first 'real' chapter. You seem to become more sure of where you're going with the story and how you're going to get there. :) There's an nice little mystery hook to start people with and to keep them coming back to find out what's going to happen. The paragraphs are well formed and very few grammatical mistakes. The descriptions are well done without being overly detailed. All in all I'd definitely grade this an O for Outstanding. It's hard to believe this is a first effort, it's very well done.

Now this is just a suggestion, but I wouldn't bold your spoken comments. It's a good way to make sure people know that those are being said aloud, but it can be distracting when reading to have the font changing so often. Especially when you get to longer comments or conversations. Otherwise it's great, obviously thought out with a nice flow and good pacing. I am very much looking forward to reading more and seeing where you take it.

Hope to see more from you soon!

Author's Response: I appreciate the review, and am glad you liked it. I liked your story a lot, so your kind words are very encouraging :)

Reviewing my stories, I have found that you might just be right about the bold. I'll have to fix that later.


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