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Review:Dalek194 says:
Great start! The tone is very atmospheric and dark, and that works really well as we never usually get to see inside the world of the bad guys. It flows well and the idea of the Fire Eaters being made up of werewolves is very clever - it adds something new, rather than just copying the Death Eaters.

The grammar was very good; I only spotted one small thing;

- "Vanessa winkedat Raven" (winkedat should be winked at)

Aside from that, the only thing I would say is that at the beginning, you use Raven's name quite a lot (I know this is as you are introducing new characters and to tell the reader who's speaking, but it just sounds a little odd). Finally, how can Raven know that the captured man's parents died at the hands of Voldemort, when she was only told they were members of the original Order? She wasn't told they were dead.

But apart from these (very small) things, the story has started really well! The cliffhanger, though the reader knows it was coming, is perfectly handled. Good work on the red herring (with the first Order member who was captured - I thought it would be Teddy!). On the whole, an impressive start, and I am hooked! Can't wait to read more ;-)

Author's Response: I have some different comments on this, but I'll message you on HPFF. Thanks for reviewing :D

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