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Review:HarrietHopkirk says:
LoopyLemon! I'm here with your reviews from the Bronze vs. Blue review war!

I like the opening of your fic. You've got a good handle on imagery, and you pick the right words to use. Overall, it's very effective. One word of warning, try to vary your sentence structure a bit. A majority of the lines go something like this:

'Most of the castle was still slumbering yesterday away, only a few students were awake.'

You tend to overuse your commas as well - I do it all the time, my beta is very patient with me. Don't be afraid to use a few 'ands' as well as short sentences for impact, like the one you've got at the end of your first paragraph - 'the new day stunned anyone outside speechless.'

I like your descriptions of Fred and George! They are both so cute! :) Your dialogue is also spot on and very in character - I especially like how you had the twins finishing each other's sentences.

Watch out for that last bit of dialogue - because there are three characters in the scene, it can be a bit confusing about whose saying what. Try and add in a few more 'he said' or whatever! I think that will help the flow!

Again, wonderful use of descriptions!

Aaw, the ending is so cute! I love Lee!

Overall, a good story! I hope I wasn't too harsh about with constructive criticism! It is a lovely little one-shot!


Author's Response: Thanks so much! I will definately watch out for those things. Thanks heaps. Exactly the type of feedback I love :)

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