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Review:Miss Lily Potter says:
Hi, there! Here's your review, as requested. (:

This chapter is a really nice set-up. I'm immensely intrigued by this idea. I love how you've made your characters your own, in a way, with Astoria being the way she is. Even Draco seems unique; not out of character, but a unique take.

I love the opening line. It's a very nice way to get us into the story. However, it seems like the first paragraph is told more than shown. I'm not sure why, but it seems to be a bit clunky. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it took me a few reads to get through it.

There were a few specific things, as well, all minor details:
"Infact" = in fact
There are some commas that are missing, and sentences kind of drag without them, if that makes sense?
When Astoria says "sooo" to Draco, it seems like it's a bit immature; perhaps rewrite it as 'so' in italics?

But overall, this was an excellent opening. I really want to read the next chapter! I love the set-up, and I like the dynamic that Daphne and Astoria have. I'm immensely intrigued. Please do drop me a message when the next chapter is up, I'd love to read on. (:

- Jasmine

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review

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