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Review:justonemorefic says:
You've got a lot of good stuff hanging around here. You know where you want to go, leading us through her emotions and there's a lot of good syntax all around. You make good use of a lot of details, like her mom calling her down for dinner but it's not Harry. Though I think calling him 'her only true love' is a bit too overemotional.

I think that sometimes, a little deeper description of her despair might be nice (metaphors and such. Or even more complex phrasing and vocabulary), since it can get a little repetitive at times, although you actually manage it well already. But interesting description will definitely make it better.

This is definitely very good for your very first fic! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm not very good at writing all the metaphors and figurative language stuff, as that isn't my style, but I understand where you're coming from and can completely give it a try! Thanks for the help!

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