It's notreallyblonde44 here to do your reviews for winning my challenge a while back! Sorry I'm so slow! I haven't forgotten ;) To warn you, I can be rather nit-picky and I don't mean to offend, only help. That being said let me know if I've crossed the line haha. Let's begin!
For starts, I'm going to be honest that I don't particularly like SongFics...and I'm not very versed on how they work in general, sorry :/ And the Author's note that tells me what *~* means...I'm not a fan of. I think a story should always speak itself, so if I can't figure out what are memories without you explicitly telling me, then the writing/story needs to change ;)
'As if realising he was being watched, Draco Malfoy looked up, his eyes going straight to her, and gave Daphne the most dazzling smile she had ever seen.' -Run-on sentence. I would change it to end after 'straight to her. He gave Daphne...'
'Daphne shrugged, "they're planning a happy event' -capitalize They're
She's like a sister to him??? She seems to think differently...
'She heard people gasp as She came in' -she should be lowercase
The second to last line was another run-on. I would edit it as follows: As Daphne watched her little sister marry the man she had been in love with since they were children, she wished she was wearing the white wedding dress, saying the vows that would bind them together for life, while Astoria was stood behind her, in the lilac bridesmaid dress. Daphne couldn't help but think...'
Uhhh okay, so after I reached the end, I totally realized that this wasn't Draco and Daphne's wedding, but Draco and Astoria's. And must I admit I feel completely tricked and had to re-read the whole thing haha. The opening was very misleading! I was confused the whole time about who was actually getting married based on Daphne's perceptions and her desires came across clearly to me that she liked Draco haha. It wasn't til the end that I realized this was Canon and not AU like I expected. You definitely got me! There were a few mistakes that I listed above, but overall there weren't many surface errors. I thought this piece was interesting and flowed well. I don't think you needed to tell us which pieces were memories or not btw (^).
While I don't believe that Draco and Daphne were friends in canon, you made it seem like he couldn't do anything without her so that helped build their friendship in my mind. So I'm semi-sold on their friendship. If you ever plan to edit, I would add more things about Draco and Daphne that seems more canon ;) Otherwise, it was a nice one-shot! Poor Daphne...the torture! Onto the next review!
I hope this helped any!
Author's Response: Thank you!
It's not really a song-fic, I put the lyrics in because they were what inspired the story but I had to put song fic because I used more than four lines. :)
Uh oh, lol, I put them down when I'm typing it up so when I go back and edit, I know what's what but I keep forgetting to take them out when I post them on here. Silly little mistakes that has happened on a couple more of my stories. Haha.
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I will make sure to go back and edit :).
You felt tricked? Well, I have to say yay for that :). The reader was meant to think it was Daphne marrying him.
Thank you again!