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Review:ravenclaw_princess says:
Hi. Ravenclaw_princess for your requested review.

You're right, the quote does suite Percy perfectly and you executed this story so well.

Your characterisation of Percy was spot on. You showed well his methodical nature and his will to believe that nothing was wrong. I really liked how you described his feelings about going to the Wedding, it summed him up nicely. It also showed though that deep down, he knew that he was hiding away rather than facing the truth, and if that meant distancing himself from his family, then so be it.

Bringing Penelope into it was nice. It also reinforced his strong belief that he was safe with the ministry; that she could have been saved if she believed in them too.

The only issue I have with percy is when he was 'crying under the covers'. This seems a little to feminine for me. I think he would do more of a distant stare while deep in thought, and while tears threatened, they wouldn't come. The tear for Penelope though I can believe.

The story flowed nicely and the pace was also really good. I don;t think it dragged at all and my attention was kept through out the story. Grammar wise, I didn't notice anything and your descriptions of the scene were really good.

There were three points were i thought the word choice was a little off.

Seven o’clock, pm. = seven pm. It may just me, but we drop the o'clock.

Bugger and damnation = the bugger seems off. It might just be because the usual phrase is hell and damnation. Bugger on its own is ok.

I loved your last paragraph but this sentence "the heat cooling down like accustomed at the end of the day (when not in a drought)" doesn't read well at all.

Over all though, you have done really well. Percy was excellent and you have captured the essence of the quote really well.

Author's Response: This is quite the impressive review! First off, thank you so much for taking all the time to read and review on my request! I'm glad you liked my characterization of Percy. To be completely honest with you, this little one shot has enticed me to write more of him, but we'll see!

I hoped the bringing Penelope in wouldn't be too strange or distant. I know it was far back in his Hogwarts years, but if I could kill her off -snicker snicker- -has a guilty habit of killing characters off- and show how much she meant to him still, it would add that extra layer of oompf, yaknow?

Ah, yes. His . feminine side. I just felt that everyone cries once in a while, and while it may not have been bawling his eyes out - I imagined it to be him, laying in bed, not sobbing, but with tears. Tears of regret, perhaps?

Thank you for catching all of the awkward things that you did, I'll keep that in mind when I go through and edit!

Thank you so much, ravenclaw_princess! I really, truly appreciate it! This was a fantastic review to wake up to!


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