Holy cow! What a story!
I feel that a lot of people here on hpff have this way with words, this smooth talent, and they step back and let that do all the talking. But here, your plot complements your eloquence, and leaves me gaping. By the end I was actually silently cheering, because this was so unbelievably different and Teddy was such an interesting character and I couldn't quite tell who I was cheering for, him or you. Probably both. His cool words and burning hunger had me falling for him the same way I fell for Bellatrix Lestrange.
This could have stood on its own, as a one shot, and been perfect. The fact that you're taking it a step forward is fantastic, because you've already captured me and I can't imagine what's coming next. Well, I can, but I'd like to meet Victoire first.
I've seen all sorts of Teddy Lupins, some werewolf, some not, some half and half as you've portrayed him here. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but since Teddy is the first of his kind that we've met, I'm open to anything written well. He's sort of like Bill, which makes sense, I suppose. But all that uncertainty can be overlooked when you get at his motives. What a chilling, chilling idea! What a great one!
I think I've rambled on more than enough, now. However, I do remember loving two lines in particular... Let's see...
"For a moment, I am in pain. I revel in the fact that it is not caused by you."
"My breath is quick, ragged and disgustingly human."
Those two were just, wow. So revealing. So well done, even in their simplicity. Sort of summed up how I felt about the entire chapter. ;)
Author's Response: Holy cow! LLLB! One of my favourite authors!
Thank you so much for your kind comments! I was really worried about posting this story: it's so completely different from anything I've ever written. Usually I focus more on the plot and, even though I think it's important that the story is well written, writing style usually takes second place. I wanted to try something different. In this story, the plot and writing are so closely interwoven, because I wanted to make Teddy's narration as realistic as possible. It's a lot short, choppy sentences because the rhythm flows wells with the way he's running, and he's obvo thinking of Victoire, so there's some flashbacks/memories thrown in as well.
I can't really write one-shots anyway, so it had to be a short story. I have a thing for plot, and I always think that one-shot can't possibly contain enough substance. The one-shots I used to write were 700 words long and were internal monologues, which I thought were far too angsty and boring for anyone to read. I think it is important to mix up the action, the description, the dialogue - even memories and flashback. One long chapter full of backstory and internal monologue can really put readers off, I think.
And Victoire's a bitch.
I wanted to play with lycanthropy, if you can. Lupin was scared in DH that he might pass the condition onto Teddy, so I played around with that. Victoire has Veela blood in her, as well as her father having some werewolf symptoms. In short, they are both monsters. His is more instinctive - the werewolf cannot control his own actions like when he is in his human form - whereas Victoire is much more a praying mantis/black widow sort of a girl. Vicious, manipulative. A cow.
Glad you liked those quotes. They are favourites too. Thank you so much for the review, you really made my day, and I apologise for taking so long to respond to this.