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Review:puiwaihin says:
Interesting place to begin the body of the story. I can look forward to Illyana having to deal with Snape and the Carrows reign at Hogwarts. This is definitely a time when she'll need to make some tough decisions.

The writing was mostly high quality, but there were a few errors that caused some discomfort. In a few places the meaning was a little unclear, but that was the exception. Generally the story was nicely detailed.

I would have liked the funeral scene to have been expanded a bit more. It seemed a bit rushed. You also didn't let the readers know that the song that was heard was Fawke's song. Fine for those who are familiar with the story, but confusing for people who are not. I understand Illyana would not have known what the song was at that time, but the narrator may have or she could have heard later.

Again, I'd like a little more magic. It is one of the charms of the world of Harry Potter.

Despite these criticisms, the chapter was rather well written and you get a good sense of the upcoming problems and choices that will be facing our protagonist. You did a good job showing rather than telling about her. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: Months later and I am finally responding to your reviews *is ashamed* Sorry about that.

First of all, thanks for you reviews in general :) Your perspective has been great! Yes, she will definitely be facing a LOT of challenging times and Snape/the Carrows won't be seen for a while...dun, dun, dun lol.

I'm glad you felt that this chapter was pretty well done. I probably won't ever add in that it was Fawkes' song, but I understand your reasoning for stating that I should. As I said in my last response, more magic will occur! I have not stripped magic away in this series I assure you ;)

Yay for showing and not telling haha! Always important. Thanks again for your reviews!


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