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Review:LovelyMioneWeasley says:
Hi there, LMW from the forums with your requested review. So, this is your prologue which makes sense as to why it would be shorter but I have a few reccomendations to do for you.

First off, you reference Muggle things and then claim she's not a Muggle and then call her a Mudblood. It confuses me; you also gave James blue eyes. For it to be canon, his eyes need to be hazel. Just some information you need to know.

So, for a prologue, I think that you have a good length; it's not too long or too short to introduce your character. Your issue in my mind is that you have such large blocks of text that as a reader, I am tempted to skip over the sections or I lose my place really easily.

Now, onto your OC, I think that you are clearly giving her a voice and a personality but I worry about her turning into a cliche so easily. First off, she is in Gryffindor which is fine. She is also best friends with Lily Evans which makes it pretty cliche but it can be made original. She is also close with Alice, though, so I worry about all of it. Just be careful because cliches can push readers away.

On to the next chapter since there were no real Maraduers to comment about.


Author's Response: Thank you :) I really appreciate your views :) I'll have to go back and try to make that whole part less confusing and maybe enter more breaks into the story.

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