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Review:Hyenni says:
Hyenni101 from the forums here! :)

first impression? 'oh a teddy/victoire!' i love Teddy. i love Victoire. i love canon. so this was just lovely. i think you should be more confident in yourself, as well! don't put down Victoire before the reader's even started reading, it makes them more eager to spot flaws, and you don't want that. so just let people judge for themselves before you start defending anything :)

grammar: like in your other one-shot, this was lovely. i could barely find any errors, so well done! just a little note, though - commas go inside the quotation marks, not outside, so it would be more like this: "While you're at it,", not the other way around :) but that's the only issue i could find, so congrats!

characterisation: i loved Victoire. i thought she was very realistic, and her relationship with Dominique was sweet - i love how close the two sisters were. i also thought how you wrote Teddy was very effective - how you threw in that "normally he practically had to be gagged to stop him from talking" and contrasted that with his quietness! i loved that. and then when he DOES start talking, he doesn't really stop, and it's like the roles reverse - suddenly she's quiet and he's speaking, unlike before. i thought this showed how they complimented each other very nicely, plus it was rather romantic! *squee!*

flow: i thought this flowed very well! just like with 'The Roofwalker', i was sucked in and couldn't stop until it was finished! there was the right amount of long and short sentences to a)stop it sounding too longwinded and b)too jerky. very nice!

areas of concern: you mentioned that you think Victoire is a bit full of herself, but i don't really think she is. she just seems to have a bit more self-confidence than other girls of her age, but i guess she IS part Veela and doesn't have to worry about her looks. so, really, her confidence is quite a nice aspect of her character, as it marks her out as different! i liked her character, so well done!

another lovely little piece, congrats! :) ^^

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks again, I owe you!

Haha I really should stop being so protective of my stories, good point!

Thanks for the grammar help, glad you liked Dom and the thing about teddy!

good point about the veela thing! another excellent review thanks :D


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