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Review:Curiosity is not a sin says:
Hey again! Me from the forums ^_^

Aww a fic on Ariana D: I rarely see stories written about rare characters, and when I do, I feel like squishing the writer for making an attempt at it :)

Your summary, I think, should really only have the challenger's penname and a bit about the story :) We know Ariana isn't written about often, so having this in the Author's Note would probably work better (:

Straight off it's easy to see where in the books this story is taking place, and I love how it could be a snippet of canon. The wonderful JKR has left so much for fanfic writers to work with that it thrills me to see aspects being written I would not have thought about before :D

The plot, pace and length are all brilliant - you managed to get so much in a small word count, and at the end of the day, it's so much more about quality than quantity :)

One tip is to reread this chapter and try to combine some of the shorter sentences. You have a lot of them with so many pauses that it almost feels like the full stop is stopping the reader too much. A few commas, some conjoining words, and you'll be all up to scratch in improving the flow.

Ariana is very realistic, and I'm so glad to see that. She's a tough character to write because of her mysterious magical condition, so the way you wrote that is fantastic :D

One other thing is how Albus' spectacles are 'slumped on the end of his long nose' which sounds a little awkward and out of place. Instead of 'slumped', how about 'had slipped down'? :) Just an idea :)

A beautiful viewpoint for a story, and a pleasure to read :)

Well done on it :D

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time..I don't think I like this Fanfic much. It was pretty hard. Thank you for your review :)

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