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Review:long_live_luna_bellatrix says:
Hello there! Reading your author's note now, I'd like to wish you good luck on your first WIP. I've certainly felt that fright before, and with my inability to finish things, it makes for quite the adventure. But the only way to learn is to try, so don't feel too scared! Just post, ask for feedback, and get everything you can out of it.

Sounds like an interesting start to the story; I'm not surprised one of the Weasleys has cracked a bit, nor that Dom feels like she has no privacy. I'd go even farther and say I expect such a thing. With so many people running around, all offspring of wizarding heroes, it has to be impossible to live easily and harmlessly.

At a few points in the beginning, I thought your description was a little forced. It was fine, just a bit overused. The part about rivers of black from her mascara is a good example, I think. Rivers of mascara are pretty typical when thinking of a crying young woman/teenage girl, as are the raccoon eyes. Working on originality with description may be something to look into.

There was one line in there that I absolutely loved: "It sounds too much like a cross between a camp for children and some sort of spin-off of Hufflepuff." Such a perfect sentence, and entirely fitting. Summerbee House is such a euphemism, and you got that across brilliantly with that one line. It completely summed it up. It may even have been my favorite part of the entire chapter.

Plot wise, there's not much to discuss from the first chapter. You've given Dom some obvious flaws, and a bit of background, so it'll be interesting to see how she develops from here on out. So far, a good start.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review and the feedback! I definitely need to work on editing and such so I'll try to fix that. ^-^; I couldn't help but name the place something ridiculously upbeat - plus, there is a story to the name which will come later on. I know there wasn't a lot of plot yet, so hopefully it'll pick up soon! Thanks so much for the review & feedback - I really appreciate it!

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