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Review:ilharrypotter says:
I've been in a serious reading/reviewing mood lately, and I was perusing the world of the recently updated a few days ago and fell in love with your banner. Without even reading anything more than the summary, which I also found myself loving, I favorited the story so I could come back to read it later - here I am!

Okay, first off: a few corrections.

Try not to mix dialogue from one character with actions/thoughts from another. It confuses the reader on occasion, because you don't always know who's saying what. (Your first line of the story does this.)

"Her and Teddy" should be she and Teddy; simple fix.

The thing where you list where each character is up to... yeah. That is... bad. Just... no. Put it in paragraph form, or something. maybe skip it entirely. That makes this story seem like one of those cliche Next Gen. explosions that fills the archive nowadays. And I really don't want to thing you're creating that! I have high hopes for this story.

Now, good stuff:


Fleur demanding them to speak French - awesome.

(did I mention that people introduced me with a ‘meet Nickie, she’s bipolar!’? No? Good, because they don’t. And I’m not)

I'm in love with that quote right there. In. Love. Love love love.

Grammar is pretty great. No major errors. I like it. Good diction in most places.

I'm going to keep reading (when I get home from school.) I'm hoping this story turns out good. :) I think it will. It has all of the potential. If you just get rid of that darned "Blank: shdligarjshr. Blank: sghalskeshfh." stuff. Meow. I'm just picky, I guess.

Adios for now!

Author's Response: Hey!

Nice long review you gave me there, with lots to think about.

I'll fix those grammar errors, thanks for pointing them out.

And about the Blank: ghyunbds. I know it's cliche. I know everyone does it. It was just how I felt like writing it at the time, and I didn't think it would change the story that much...

But I don't want this looking like a typical next gen. So I won't do anything like that again, promise. But about putting it in paragraph form, the characters aren't really important enough to write so much about them. But I had to introduce them somehow...

Gah, anyway, that will stay there for now, mainly because I can't be bothered taking it out and changing that whole section...

But thankyou for this lovely long review (:

And I hope you like the rest of the story!

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