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Review:Mintleaf says:
' She hadnít wanted to spend any time with her controlling, angry, mother, who favoured her older, happier, prettier sister and her more intelligent, sweeter, younger brother.' there is something a tiny bit off about this sentence, in my opinion. I think maybe it could be split into a couple of more descriptive shorter sentences! And maybe change the adjectives that you've used to ones that seem a little more... exciting? The sentences that follow on from this are a good example if this, though. They are short and succinct, which is what I think this bit needs! :)

Also, I thought they were in the Gryffindor common room? How could Scorpius have carried her to his bed? Her bed maybe?

'Did he- did he use me? †Rose? He wants Rose, boring, unfunny and plain, rather than me, beautiful and popular? He should want me. I will make him want me.í She thought.' I think this is another case of what I said before. Also on a characterization note, she sure seems to hate her family a lot!

I like the situation that you've set up here! I like the end especially. It was a good plot! :)

Author's Response: Yeah I think I overused the adjectives there lol XD
Oh Scorp's in Gryffindor too... I always thought he would be :) I'll try and make that clearer.
Ok :) Hahaha yeah, she does, she's the jealous type :)
Thank you, I'm quite proud of it :D xxx


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