Hi Lee Anne,
Should you capitalise Professor when you have Nurse Jenkins talking to her? And my other question would be adding a period after Mrs. when you refer to Mrs. Hudson. It seems that you would captalise professor simply because you are referring specifically to Freddy.
I wouldnít want to be in the same boat with them, even I was drowning.óeven if I was drowning ;)
I didnít really see any other typos or have any other suggestions. There was one bit where two sections I think were meant to have a space between them but didnít. It was right before the voice interrupted Freddy and Quirrell talking. It starts with Quirrell seemed to
say something . . .
All right, on to the real part of the review! First off, I must say that I really did enjoy the song; Iíve heard it before briefly and always had a penchant for the haunting sort of quality it had to it. You continue to surprise with references to things I have really enjoyed. First Lives and now this.
So, I read some of your reviews and saw a reference to earlier Consumed. I havenít had the pleasure of reading it yet (itís on my list; I promise!!) but I sneaked back and looked at chapter 17! Crane and what I think it means? Oh dear, itíll be something to see how that develops and how the sanatorium fits into the entire picture.
So, I really like Quirrell since I have had no introduction to him really in the past. I think that he is a lovely man and had some really excellent interaction with Freddy. I think youíve done a fabulous job weaving him into the story, into Freddyís sadness. I also liked the little bit with Crane and Remus; I think that your characters are really easily realistic and believable.
You asked for plot and characters; I see no improvement in your characters. Freddy is believably bored and restless in the sanatorium. Remusí letter just speaks of a canon Lupin. Crane is creepy and somehow oblivious to that creepiness in the sanatorium. Quirrell is the echoes of what I assume was once a good man and a man with a bright future before it was tainted by darkness and seductive power.
Your plot is developing nicely; I think you do some really great scenes especially the graveyard scene and Freddy waking up. Freddy also creeping around the sanatorium was probably favorite part though. You did a very good job communicating a suspenseful scene with we waited for someone to show up.
Great job overall honey! I didnít want this chapter to end either :]
Have a fantastic weekend!
Author's Response: Hello again, Lindsey,
Ah, thanks so much for pointing out those typos. They can be quite annoying little things. And I have to admit, I'm an obsessive proofreader...though obviously not a very good one. There's always at least one mistake that slips past my notice, haha.
As always, I really, really, really appreciate your in-depth, thoughtful feedback. You're such an amazing reviewer. I honestly can't thank you enough. I'm so glad you enjoyed the reference to the song from "The Innocents". I'm a huge horror movie fan and when I heard the song, I thought the eerie quality would fit this chapter. However, despite it's creepiness, I do think it is a rather beautiful song.
As for chapter 17 of "Consumed", I'm afraid my lips of sealed. I wouldn't want to spoil the ending for you, but since you already picked up on the clue, I'm pretty sure you have a good idea of just where this story is headed. ;)
I'm also very pleased that you liked my take on both Quirrell and Lupin. I always get a teeny bit nervous when writing canon characters, because they can so easily become OOC. And as for Quirrell, JKR didn't really give us a lot to go on. I thought he had such potential as a tragic villain, but she obviously wasn't keen on developing him any further.
And yay! I'm glad you think the plot is advancing nicely. I have to admit, my greatest challenge with this story has been injecting some action into what is a rather boring situation. After all, hospital stays are not the most exciting things in the world to read about.
Again, thank you for yet another lovely review! Your comments never fail to put a smile on my face. I hope you have a great week. ^_^ Take care and be well!